Rocking with Dinosaurs...

Please see my updated and (hopefully) improved article about Uriah Heep's ...Very 'Eavy ...very 'Umble here!

Bland on the Run: the world of boring album covers

Introduction: NOT boring....

In the world of album cover art, the best thing would of course be to have a great and/or iconic sleeve design for your record cover.


Mothers: iconic

The art/design itself doesn't have to be great though; if the artist(s) look striking enough (Beatles, Simon & Garfunkel, Morrissey, Madonna, Adele even) then a decent plain photograph is a more than acceptable solution to the album cover issue.









Beatles: striking






Failing either of those, a truly bad sleeve may be the best option for attention-grabbing purposes. Obnoxious and Neil Young are truly dreadful, but even the contrived-ness of the Acid Reign sleeve doesn't make it any less memorable.

           *blergh*







BORING
Arguably worse than a truly bad sleeve design is a truly bland one. ALL talent show contestants' album covers have them, most bands and artists of any standing have at least one in their discography.

Example:

Black Sabbath have covered the whole spectrum:

EXCELLENT
Black Sabbath (Vertigo, 1969) see also Sabbath Bloody Sabbath (1973), Never Say Die! (1978)

* Iconic creepy image perfectly encapsulates the tone of the music within
* Photographic/modern and yet artistic & timeless
*low-key, moody but powerful use of colour
* Excellent 60s-ish logo, never fully adopted by the band but often imitated


EXECRABLE
Born Again (Vertigo, 1983) see also Paranoid (1971)

* laughably un-scary image
* suggests artist had seen album title + band name but not heard record
* looked instantly dated
* garishly nasty use of colour


BLAND BEYOND BELIEF
Seventh Star (Vertigo, 1986) see also The Eternal Idol (1987)

* "fine", unremarkable picture of Tony Iommi
* uninspired fonts & safe colour scheme
* cheap-looking framing of central image
* how could the designer be bothered to hand this artwork in or the label be bothered to use it?


Notable examples of bland artwork abound, especially in the 80s, when pretty much every major established star of the era (McCartney, Elton John, Phil Collins, Tina Turner, Rod Stewart, Dire Straits) dealt exclusively in the kind of bland packaging most suited to their 'product', but some less obvious examples are equally unfortunate...

Anti-Pasti - Caution in the Wind (Rondelet, 1982)

Not bad artwork, but the urban grittiness of the picture itself is undermined by the strangely random pale colour washes over some areas and the jarringly out-of-place band logo. Patchy album too, so sort of fitting in a way.


Pilot - Second Flight (EMI, 1975)

The Edinburgh band's clever, classy post-glam pop never got an album cover to match the quality of the music and the lazy artwork for their second album (featuring their biggest hit January alongside lots more quality guitar-pop) is probably the BLAH-est of them all....


The Pooh Sticks - Trade Mark of Quality (Fierce Records, 1991)

Okay, so ramshackle Welsh indie isn't likely to spawn Roger Dean-esque works of art over triple-gatefold sleeves. But you'd still expect a twee, homemade, perhaps childish charm (like the Archies-inspired art on their Great White Wonder), rather than this impossibly boring-in-every-respect sleeve.


Queen - Greatest Hits (EMI, 1980)

Strange that such an image-conscious band should approve such a drab cover, but I suppose a guaranteed huge seller didn't need much attention. The 'trapped in the Phantom Zone' layout is both *B*O*R*I*N*G* and dated too...


Otis Redding - History Of Otis Redding (Atlantic, 1968)

Nothing captures the emotional power of Otis Redding's brand of soul music more than a wistful B&W picture of the singer on horseback with an autumnal green border. Nice, in a way but ???.


Nazareth - Play 'n; the Game (Mountain 1976)

Nazareth are a highly underrated band, responsible for some of the best hard rock (and hard rock sleeves - see Hair of the Dog  and No Mean City - of the 70s. But you wouldn't know it from the sleeve (or title) of their '76 opus.


David Bowie - Stage (RCA, 1978)

Although Bowie was in the middle of one of his best periods in '77-8, RCA seemingly tried to make this so-so live album sound as bland and unspontaneous as possible. The cover (pointlessly a gatefold) compounds the sense of 'completists only'.
 


Kiss - Hot in the Shade (Mercury, 1989)

Even Kiss' worst album covers (lots to choose from) usually have a kind of cheesy flamboyance; but not so the tepid Hot in the Shade, also perhaps their most yawn-inducing album of the 80s

Lou Reed - Rock and Roll Heart (Arista, 1976)

Lou Reed is responsible for some of the best (Transformer) and worst (Lou Reed Live) album covers of the 70s. But he was rarely boring. The title, cover and about half of this album are an unwelcome exception. He got much better at being boring in the 80s; witness Legendary Hearts, Mistrial, Live in Italy etc etc etc....

The Stranglers - Feline (Epic, 1983)

"MEH"


Pink Floyd - The Final Cut (Harvest, 1983)

Pink Floyd managed to build a formidably interesting series of album covers through the 60s & 70s - even the covers of The Wall and Dark Side of the Moon, although (to me at least) a bit dull, are iconic & memorable. The Final Cut achieves the same level of dullness without being iconic.


Genesis - Duke (Charisma, 1980)

I am not a Genesis fan, but I do think their 70s work is interesting and (usually) housed in excellent sleeves. At the turn of the 80s though, the Phil Collins-led incarnation of the band announced a new era of commercial blandness with this highly apt artwork.

...and in a class of their own....

Talking Heads
A special case, despite being one of the great bands of the 70s/80s, Talking Heads albums rarely came in anything other than dull, uninspired sleeves. Those below are just the blandest....

 

How can you like that crap? Dissecting guilty pleasures #1

The concept of a guilty pleasure is a bit silly when applied to such things as films and music, but it's a handy phrase for liking things that you know aren't 'good'. For example, the films of Godfrey Ho;

Mr Ho is not the Orson Welles of Taiwan (to say the least) but I haven't seen a single one of his films that wasn't infinitely better than thousands of more professionally made, slickly directed and better acted films. For example...

The Dragon, The Hero (dir. Godfrey Ho, Taiwan, 1979)

Starring: John Liu, Dragon Lee, Tino Wong, Phillip Kao Fe

If forced to give this movie a mark out of five I would award it 3.5 or even 4, but why for Christ's sake? It's obviously rubbish isn't it? Let's see...

Synopsis: Two fighters with an inherited grudge (John Liu & Tino Wong) join forces with each other and a musclebound martial artist (Dragon Lee) to defeat a sadistic psychopath (Philip Kao Fe) who needs only to see a fighting style once in order to master it.

Very brief, objective review:
Godfrey Ho's usual bizarrely inept direction and lack of pacing, plus illogical plot twists, unbelievable characters and very poor dubbing are redeemed only by well-staged fights, especially the climactic one. 2/5

Rambling subjective review:
Godfrey Ho's work of the late 70s/early 80s is perhaps the pinnacle of trash kung fu cinema; camp, colourful, ridiculous and bizarre. Although his inventiveness became dulled by the endless stream of ninja movies (usually including a Z-list western actor), his earlier work was rarely less than entertaining, and often intentionally funny as well as incidentally so.
In The Dragon, The Hero, Ho brings together some of the most idiosyncratic kung fu performers of the era:
The aristocratic/snooty-looking Tino Wong, here cast in a rare heroic role, in which he is immensely likable.

The moody, funny-looking John Liu, one of the great kickers of the era

The athletic, Bruce Lee-looking Dragon Lee, often wasted in lookalike roles

The intense, fanatical-looking Phillip Kao Fe, perhaps (along with Hwang Jang Lee & Lu Feng) the best kung fu villain of the era.

In addition, there is a great and amusing cameo by the unmistakable Bolo Yeung.

Kao Fe's larger-than-life villain (who uses a huge hourglass to time how quickly he defeats and kills his victims) would completely overshadow the movie if not for the fact that everything else in the movie is equally outlandish and cartoonlike. In fact, even some of the movies' martial arts are as silly as everything else; Tino Wong & John Liu's 'strike rock fist' style being a particularly unwieldy, if photogenic method of combat.

The UK dubbing adds an extra dimension of fun to the film, a mixture of dopey and melodramatic voices, seemingly done by a cast of 3 or 4 British actors in attempted American accents. Dragon Lee's voice is the same kind of strange John Wayne impression that Bruce Lee was often saddled with in his UK releases.

Basically; weird characters, rambling, picaresque story, bizarre plot twists, nice locations, presumably in rural Taiwan, plus top class fight scenes = top entertainment. 5/5

OVERALL RATING: 3.5/5

Seven Sevens

A random selection of seven 7" records pulled off of an over-stuffed shelf.

1. 'Fatal' Microbes - Violence Grows (Small Wonder, 1979)

songs:
a) Violence Grows
Bi) Beautiful Pictures
Bii) Cry Baby

Not so much 'post-punk' as clinging on desperately to punk, this band of what appear to be school kids make spirited, amateurish 'punk rock' much loved by John Peel. Violence Grows itself is long, slow-ish and annoying, with  Honey Bane's flat Siouxsie-ish singing making the whole a bit of a drag. Beautiful Pictures, though is an uptempo punk classic and Cry Baby enjoyable punky nonsense. Despite the many punk classics, it's little records like this that make the punk explosion so rewarding to explore.


2. Dark Lord - ...By The Force of Sacred Magic Rites... (Blasphemous Underground, 2008)

 

songs
ai) Into The Lightless Realm
aii) Tommota Est Et Tontremuit Terra
aiii) Appearance Of The Spirit
bi) Prince Of The Land Of Tears
bii) I Summon Thee
biii) Opening Of The Seventh Gate
The songs on this satisfyingly fat 6 track EP were in fact the Adelaide band's first demo, recorded in 1993. Somewhat overlooked black/death metal, brutal and pummelling with surprisingly technical lead guitar, totally worth seeking out if you like the more deathly end of the BM spectrum. Darklord, somewhat flamboyantly for the genre, used custom-made double necked guitars designed by the band and made by Brian West at Fretco, Adelaide (http://www.fretco.com.au/quality-instruments-parts-accessories/). They sound good. This is pretty basic and relentless but is in some ways preferable to their also-very-good album Symphony Satanikka.


3. Swervedriver - Sandblasted (Creation, 1991)

songs
a) sandblasted
b) out

Contemporary with, but slightly different to, the shoegaze bands of the early 90s, this windswept, slightly Americanised indie rock made my slightly crusty-looking types has aged pretty well. Very of its time, but since that was a time when the indie scene genuinely offered an alternative to mainstream chart music that isn't so bad really.


4. The Young Rascals - Groovin' (Atlantic, 1967)

Classic laidback latin-soul with a great vocal from Felix Cavaliere. The Rascals (as they became are one of the few white soul groups of the era whose work doesn't pale into insignificance compared to actual soul music. The slightly more raucous B-side is pretty good too.

5. Killing Joke - Wardance (Malicious Damage Records, 1980)

songs
a)Wardance
b) Pssyche

Although Killing Joke were forging a new post-punk sound on their first album, their second single (which predated the album by some months) initially sounds almost Stranglers-ish, until the atmospheric chanted chorus. This version is faster, more aggressive and slightly less good than the version on Killing Joke, but still fairly excellent. B-side Pssyche is kind of similar really; relentless, aggressive but not untuneful.

6. Sindy - Sindy Meets the Dolly-beats (Pedigree Dolls, 1966)

songs:
a) story
b) Sindy

A 'concept' single about Sindy (the doll, UK equivalent to Barbie) and how she came to watch her favourite beat group "Cliff Warwick & the Dollybeats". Sindy saves an (apparently) old scouser and misses some show she wants to see but the scouser turns out to be none other than the Dollybeats' lead guitarist (according to the narrator) Cliff Warwick.  The sleevenote, however, lists "Terry Coombes" as lead guitarist as well as the band's costume supervisor. ("Someday Terry would like to become an architect")
Sindy gets to watch The Dollybeats rehearse and thinks/says 'dolly wow!' quite a lot. The Dollybeats are pretty cool; they do a song called Sindy that rocks a fair bit although neither Cliff or Terry play any leads!


7. Pixies - Here Comes Your Man (4AD, 1989)

songs:
a) Here Comes Your Man
b) Into The White

Bagboy is all well and good but in their prime Pixies were making records that were both catchy and commercial and subversive. Here Comes Your Man is probably their most melodic song (apparently written by Black Francis when he was 14 but shelved for years) but with an ominous undertone. The B-side (sung by bassist Kim Deal )is not their best (that would probably be Weird at my School or Manta Ray) but it is pretty noisy and good.

July's Soundtrack

What with the heatwave & all, the temptation was to make a summer-themed soundtrack, But I didn't.

1. Wisdom Without Worship - Instrinsik Simplistiks (from Pervasive Dark Energy, 2013)

Black-death-doom-whatever from Cornwall, this is what underground music is all about - no commercial or stylistic agenda, not much in the way of technical skill instrumentally, but enough ability to put their music across with intensity and conviction.

2. Scott Walker - It's Raining Today (from Scott III, 1969)

Peculiar but beautiful mixture of old-fashioned crooning and dissonant, ominous strings. It's equally easy to see why his popularity decreased and why his fans became more fanatical.

3. Black Widow - Madman Song (1971, collected on See's the Light of Day, 2012)

Creepy/groovy song sung by Kay Garret for a solo album that was never released on which she was backed by rock/jazz/blues Satanists Black Widow. Very 60s for the 70s.

4. Todd Rundgren - I Saw The Light (from Something/Anything, 1972)

Eric Carmen reckons that Todd was inspired by the similarly great Raspberries song of the same name. Maybe so, both are sweet & catchy pop-rock classics.

5. Cliff Edwards - I'm Going To Give It To Mary (With Love) (1936?)

Risqué masterpiece from 'Ukulele Ike' Edwards, probably best known nowadays as the voice of Jiminy Cricket.

6. Claes Andersson, Kalevi Seilonen, Erkki Kurenniemi, Otto Donner - Track 13 (from Sähkö-Shokki-Ilta, 1968)

Strange electronic experimentation-meets spoken-word 'happening' from Finland

 7. The Youngers - My Love, My Love (single, 1968)

Despite the slightly psychedelic-sounding intro, this plaintive pop song has one of the best beat-group guitar riffs ever.

8. Morrissey - Boxers (single, 1995)

Morrissey had one of his periodic renaissances in the mid-90s and this lovely single  wherein he romanticises the somewhat double-edged nature of being punched for a living is one of the better ones he released at the time.

9. Black Sabbath - Danger Zone (from The Seventh Star, 1986)

Much maligned Tony Iommi solo album that had the Sabbath name foisted on it by the record label is actually pretty okay 80s hard rock; Danger Zone has a great riff.

10. The Chocomates - Surfer Girl (from The Chocomates, 2009?)

The Sazanami label (http://www.sazanamilabel.com) has some of the best punky guitar pop bands in existence signed to it, and The Chocomates are one such band. This lovely cover of the Beach Boys classic comes from their debut album.

11. Burzum - Sôlarguđi (from Sol Austan, Mani Vestan, 2013)

Varg's latest synth album has a brighter, less elegiac sound than his older ones and this is just a beautiful piece of music.

12. Jex Thoth - The Places You Walk (from Blood Moon Walk, 2013)

Tuneful, atmospheric doom with Ms Thoth's excellent vocals; good!


13. John Cale - Leaving It Up To You (from Helen of Troy, 1975)

Anguished, ranting and somewhat unhinged-sounding bluesy song from one of his 'pretty good' albums.

14. Joy Zipper - Held The Hand (from I Killed The Monster, 2006)

One of Daniel Johnston's strange, sad songs from his religious period, given a cool, melancholy treatment.

15. Klaus Nomi - Simple Man (from Simple Man, 1982)

A camp and slightly silly New Wave pop song, rather than an operatic dirge, but none the worse for that.

16. The Beach Boys - Meant For You (from Friends, 1968)

Lovely song from (perhaps overly) lovely album.

17. Kollektivet - I Can't Get Erection from the Election (2011)

The last word on politics by the Norwegian comedians, with some Rick James funkiness thrown in.

18. The Blue Project - Sweet Ground (from Adrift, 2013)

Luscious Italian electronic mood music with beautiful singing.

19. Megadeth - Looking Down the Cross (from Killing is My Business... 1985)

Megadeth's debut sounds pleasingly cheap with a lovely scrabbly, rattly guitar tone, even though the band later ruined it by remastering and producing it properly. There probably is a better moment in 80s speed/thrash than the instrumental break after Dave Mustaine sings his 'beckoning you in' bit, but I can't think of one.

20. Happy End - Kaze wo Atsumete (from Kazemachi Roman, 1972)

The lovely, wistful folk rock classic was used appropriately as the end theme to the lovely, wistful Lost in Translation. No idea what they are on about but the title means 'Gather the Wind'.

21. Daniel Johnston - Fish (from Fear Yourself,  2003)

Elsewhere in this blog I've recommended AKA Lurholm's ska version of this song, but the original is great too, rueful and generally sad but somehow upbeat; pretty much a Daniel Johnston trademark.

22. Gene Clark & Doug Dillard - Why Not Your Baby (1968)

Lovely, (not surprisingly) Byrdsian folk rock, even the banjo is nice!

23. Cheap Trick - Taxman Mr Thief (from Cheap Trick, 1977)

Great sluggish dinosaur riff meets the Beatles' Taxman for a tongue-in-cheek hard rock classic.

24. The Mothers of Invention - Plastic People (from Absolutely Free, 1967)

Typically virtuoso-meets-smart arse performance, with chunks of Louie Louie thrown in and a semi-serious point at its heart.

25. Goat Semen - Pachacamakgod (from En Vivo en Lima Hell, 2007)

Raw and potent Peruvian black metal from their superbly ragged 2007 live album; drums, guitars & vocals makes for extremely primitive but intense black metal. For this song the band is mostly the duo of guitar/drums only. Here, Peruvian BM is the hot, fetid antithesis of the freezing Scandinavian style.

26. My Little Airport - Victor, Fly Me To Stafford (from The Okay Thing to do on Sunday Afternoon is to Toddle in the Zoo, 2004 

Bittersweet classic from MLA's first album.


27. Wongraven - Over ødemark (from Fjelltronen, 1995)

Richly atmospheric medieval mood music from Satyricon's Satyr, here aided by Emperor's Ihsahn.

28. The Smiths - This Night Has Opened My Eyes (from Hatful of Hollow 1984)

One of The Smiths' most enigmatic songs, and one of Johnny Marr's most affecting melodies.

29. Broken Doll - Nothing But A Good Time (from Reach for the Sky, 2012)

Punky, squeaky Japanese dayglo pop cover of the immortal Poison anthem; probably not everyone's cup of tea.

30. Carpathian Forest - The Pale Mist Hovers Towards the Nightly Shores (from Through Chasm, caves and Titan Woods, 1995)

Carpathian Forest don't get the credit they deserve, perhaps because they have unspectacularly stayed more or less true to their strangely emotive version of 'second wave' Norwegian black metal. Doubters should seek out this EP though, as it anticipates the whole 'depressive black metal' subgenre every bit as much as Burzum's Filosofem and because Nattefrost is one of the great BM frontmen.

31. Membous - 窓 (from Honey Chapatti, 2011)

Beautiful, childish, barely in tune song from an extremely fragile and possibly twee album. Almost as if The Shaggs were Japanese and unhappy.